
I am fascinated by the weaponry of MomTok. The girlies do not wield the reality-television classics. No drink throwing. No hair pulling. No table flipping. The armory of MomTok is entirely stocked with language. Only instead of calling people cunts, they call them narcissists. Manipulators. Gaslighters. They use more therapy talk than Esther Perel, constantly going on about boundaries and resentment and intentions. I’m stuck wondering whether it’s a natural extension of the religion they were raised in, where female docility is the gold standard and repression is highly encouraged, leaving them with this tepid vocabulary as their only defense, or if it’s all just a microcosm of TikTok-adjacent culture.
Sociological analysis aside, all the therapy talk turns conflict into language soup. I, for one, would rather be called a whore than a narcissist, a cheater than a gaslighter. Imagine trying to scheme a redemption arc and now you have to whip out the DSM-5 to say, “I actually only meet three-fifths of the minimum necessary criteria for diagnosis, and personality disorders are also wildly misunderstood, especially those of the cluster-B variety …” Whew, no thanks! Let’s be clear, though: I still have next-to-zero mercy for Zac.
Alas, we’re still at Jessi’s house where Taylor and Chase are both gnashing their chewing gum and debating the semantics of their sex dreams. Layla asks Chase if he’s happy he got his little moment and tells him to go talk shit on his stupid podcast. My biggest takeaway is that Layla should talk more. My girl has points to make and every one of them is aligned with MomTok’s mission/vision/values.
They change locations to the front lawn, but not before Chase touches (pokes? jabs? the footage is not clear) Demi on the way out to go find his crying girlfriend. Of course, this causes Demi to go running to Bret that another man laid his hands on her and — bam! We are treated to a docusoap version of the Book of Exodus. Demi says Chase is going to die on the front lawn, which in this case means Bret is going to strut out in his Chippendale’s costume and scream “YOU JUST TOUCH MY WIFE?” in Chase’s face. Jordan’s there for backup, screaming “TAKE OWNERSHIP!” directly into Chase’s mouth. Both Chase and Dakota eventually leave, but not before the neighbors call the cops.
Inside, Zac and Jen are trying to piece together what’s going on. The more I see these two interact with others, the more I am convinced they are just not very observant of anything except how they are perceived individually and as a couple. Naturally, we next get to see Zac squirm while three shirtless men dance in a circle around Jen. If you’re thinking “the exposure therapy is complete, no one lost their mind, we can all move on,” boy, do I have news for you.
But first, it’s trick-or-treat night and Mikayla’s sisters and kids link up so they can “spend time doing fun family traditions” (i.e., making TikToks). They discuss how Mikayla feels she was a little harsh about Miranda’s clout-chasing at the happy hour, but how much of this is because of their family’s history of repressing anger until it boils over. We then learn about Mikayla’s chronic, painful skin issues and that she was sexually abused for multiple years. Her husband, dressed as a scarecrow, rubs her back as she reflects on how Halloween is triggering because it’s the same day she told her mom about the abuse and wasn’t believed. Later in the episode, she goes to a sexual-trauma specialist. They talk a lot about ways Mikayla can get her power back and do a role-playing exercise where Mikayla is supposed to say the things she wished she could say to her abuser. She’s uncomfortable. That kind of work is impossibly hard in the best of circumstances and I can’t fathom doing it with a camera crew present. Genuinely hoping she finds peace.
Back to Zac and Jen, they go on a walk, and Zac is mad that Demi and Jessi made them the he-he-ha-ha of the party without giving them an advance heads-up. Just when you think he has a point, they roll the tapes back and show how Demi explained Bret and the boys’ exact plan and Jen said, “I love that!!!!” Jen gripes about how she wanted to be the fun friend but didn’t think about how she or Zac would feel about it, and I’m sorry, but sweetie, get it together. You cannot be out here telling your man he needs to “consider your feelings first” when you don’t know what your feelings are. All that being said, Mr. Optics is still mad that he “looks like the bad guy,” so he storms off, whining at production to cut the camera.
Next, we get shaky footage of a bike path while Jen insists Zac needs to own up (to something?) and she isn’t going to be quiet (about something?), then says she’s only moving forward in their marriage if he takes accountability (for something?). If the “something” is just more of the Chippendale’s swirl, I’m going to be so mad. Jen and the people in the edit bay have me imagining that Mr. Long Lost Paul Brother has been up to some seriously unholy deeds.
Whitney has her baby, and I’m dying to know who shot what the producers call “Whitney’s Home Video.” There are at least six different camera angles, many of which are the same ones used in Midsommar. Either way, it’s a boy and she is very happy about this blessing, especially since “there’s a certain significance in having this baby with Conner because they worked so hard to have the relationship they have today.” A generous way of explaining that your husband has a history of being a little snake.
Speaking of babies, all the moms minus Whitney and Jen, plus a handful of their kids, head on down to the farm to ride a Ferris wheel and talk about how much they don’t fuck with Jen because she lies and has bad motives. Miranda can relate to Jen because she knows what it’s like to have her marriage highly scrutinized but zips it because she’s trying to wrestle her way back into MomTok. To further this goal, she sits down one-on-one with Taylor.
Taylor is holding the line that the swinging went beyond Miranda’s reported “just kissing.” To get more specific, Taylor says they “did everything Love Island does.” As a Love Island scholar, I’d like to point out that this could be read multiple ways. First, they absolutely fuck on Love Island, often stealthily in the single room where all cast members sleep. Second, this could be strictly referring to the games the islanders play where it’s mostly just smooching and heavy petting. I am fairly certain Taylor means the latter option, even down to the fidelity rules. On Love Island and on “Mormon soft swinging TikTok,” a kiss in the group game is not classified as cheating. But pulling someone for a cheeky chat on the private Love Island terrace? Cheating. Pulling someone to talk about your sex dreams at the gym? Also cheating. Presumably.
If you’re confused, you’re in luck because Taylor cannot stand confusion. To alleviate this, she starts detailing the sex acts. We’ve got everyone fucking their husbands while in the same room. We’ve got blindfolded “who’s that man?” kissing games. We’ve got Taylor and Miranda putting on short shorts, getting wasted, and making out with each other (cute!) while four husbands film it (less cute!). Miranda is basically like “sure, you’re not wrong,” and they agree to move on because they have real friend chemistry. A win for MomTok!
It seems like Miranda has a clear path to a spot in MomTok, but how does Whitney fit into all of this? Why is she still on this show? Well, she invites Taylor and Mayci to come over and visit her new baby even though she posted her and Mayci’s texts on the internet as an example of “how to set a boundary.” This is exactly what I’m talking about with the therapy talk! I’m no Orna Guralnik, but I am fairly certain this is not how boundaries work. Anyway, Whitney absolutely gobbles up the Halloween-party drama and realizes she wants to come back into MomTok. I want to believe that people can grow and she’ll be down to take it as much as she dishes it out, but I’m going to need a sign from Jesus Christ himself to be convinced on this one.
This episode closes with one of the most uncomfortable and painful reality-television moments I’ve ever witnessed (and don’t forget, we all watched Mikayla talk about her sexual abuse mere minutes before). The scene is set for some classic Clear Blue spon-con. Jen picks up a test and comes home to take it since she’s ten days late. Before even looking at the result, she starts sobbing about how she should be happy but is not. She and Zac flip it over together and in the bleakest tone she says, “Yep. I’m pregnant.” She then goes on to cry about how she’s scared and sad for this child because she doesn’t know where her marriage is at and that she’s come to her breaking point. This is all while surrounded by her other two children. MomTok needs to add sex education to its platform priorities post haste. No one should have to feel like this!
Anyway, next time, Mayci is back on her Instagram-confessions bullshit and supposedly someone slept with Demi’s husband. If true, fingers crossed they used protection.
Jen, you cannot be out here telling your man he needs to “consider your feelings first” when you don’t know what your feelings are.