“And George Russell, who did NOT die, became as awful a husband, as awful a robber baron, and as awful a man as the good old city knew.” I am concerned about George! We’ll come back to it, because first we have to go through his emergency surgery and everything after that, but your character development is not cool, George. You’re reverse Ebenezer Scroogeing it.

We left last week’s episode with Bertha in charge of the end-of-the-season ball, Dr. William Kirkland preparing to interrogate Peggy about her past, Jack the Clock Boy buying a house, Gladys and Hector about to leave for New York, and then George got shot. Also, Kathy Geiss is hanging around.

A carriage frantically drives George through the streets to his home, as hospitals were places of filth and disease (at least for poor people). Bertha has him carried into the parlor, and very fortunately, William is right across the street, trying to have a dramatic conversation. No soap opera revelations for you tonight, William! Only death-defying surgical feats. William pulls out the bullet with Marian’s assistance, and then George goes into shock. Bertha stays at George’s head throughout the operation and wakes up in the same position the next day. The Russells’ doctor finally shows up, whereupon he yells at William. Shut up, loitering doctor! You weren’t even here! He admits that William did a great job and saved George’s life. (Suck it, sir!) Then William stands next to Bertha and we all realize that Jordan Donica is 10 feet tall.

Marian fell asleep in a chair in the front hall, and she and Larry have a conversation where she apologizes for calling off the engagement, and he’s like, “Well, now I’m mad at you.” This is very much a Relationship Conversation. “Okay, you say you’re sorry, but you didn’t trust me, so now I’m not talking to you.” So the engagement is still off. Look. Marian. Larry. There are many more important things going on, so I need you two to fix this quickly.

I mean, we’re out here having our hearts broken about Peggy’s giddiness over William wanting to speak to her. No, Peggy, it’s not that kind of conversation! It’s one of the bad ones! She and Dorothy are so happy, and then we smash cut to Peggy and William sitting silently in the parlor after they talked about her incredibly traumatic past. William, excuse me, she tried to tell you about this, and you were like, Oh, I don’t care about the past. Lies! Now he thinks things are “insurmountable” and leaves. Why are all the men (except for Jack and Oscar) absolute trash this week?

Oscar, by the way, has a new life plan, and it involves Mrs. Winterton, whose husband has recently died. Did she murder him? I mean, probably. Let’s say she did. That’s canon now. So the murderess Winterton runs into Oscar at the opera. Oscar wants to manage her money, and she wants to attend Mrs. Astor’s ball, but there’s no way Mrs. Russell will invite her. Oscar decides to take on this challenge because he likes money and has nothing else to live for now, so he might as well make a lot of it. He goes to Bertha and says, So, you like Marian now. It’d probably be nice for you if she came to the ball. Bertha agrees to invite Mrs. Winterton, assuming Oscar can get Marian to attend. This feels like the society version of buying pork belly futures. Bertha does tell George she will cancel the ball because of his whole “getting shot” thing, but he tells her not to use him as a reason. Okay, George, but she did offer, and she also said your health is her only priority. That “only” part is, I admit, a lie, but it seems right that it’s her highest priority.

When Mrs. Astor and Bertha discuss the ball (with Charlotte in attendance), Bertha says she invited Aurora Fane and is inviting Charlotte as well. Mrs. Astor is alarmed. If two divorced women can attend a party, then women will start divorcing willy-nilly. Okay, but did you see that TikTok about how, before divorce was possible, women would just straight-up murder their husbands? Not everyone can be Mrs. Winterton, a well-known murderess. You’ve gotta give women an exit strategy from their shitty marriages. Mrs. Astor doesn’t understand this, because her marriage has been settled by her husband living on a boat. She doesn’t want Charlotte to go to the ball. When Charlotte asks if she’s just supposed to do needlepoint for the rest of her life, Mrs. Astor tells her that Charlotte would first need to learn how to thread a needle. ASTOR ZING.

Should we talk about Jack? He gets very little screen time, but we seem to be inching toward a Jack-Bridget thing, primarily brought about by his intense loneliness. Bridget brings him lamb stew, and he tells her it feels safe with her there. Just marry him and become his beard, Bridget. He’ll keep inventing things, and you guys can have game night with your friends. It’ll be fine.

At the Van Rhijn-Forte household, Ada has discussed the Marian/Larry situation with Agnes, and Agnes tells Marian she must go to Larry and admit she was wrong. Agnes never needs to do this because she is never wrong, she says. A very Baranski-esque comment. Then who should return but Mrs. Foster from the New York Heritage Society? Agnes has been dodging her for weeks, as she expects Mrs. Foster to be rooting around for a donation, but it turns out she just wants to ask Agnes to become vice president of the society. A place to focus her energies! Mrs. Foster’s return is Ada’s doing, and Agnes is uncharacteristically and quietly grateful to Ada, and later tells her she should sit at the head of the table. Sister growth!

As we shift over to Newport and the ball, Mrs. Kirkland is still on the march against Peggy. Dorothy is having none of this and tells Mrs. Kirkland that she has acted without grace, manners, and impunity. Mrs. Kirkland sputters something about those from Newport, and Dorothy says, “But I am not from Newport.” GET HER, AUDRA. Mrs. Kirkland leaves, transmuted into a patch of scorched earth. When the Kirklands prepare for the ball, William and Mr. Kirkland (Brian Stokes Mitchell!) tell Mrs. Kirkland she has “sown heartbreak and calamity.” “Look at the time,” says Mrs. Kirkland. Imagine hearing those kinds of words back-to-back from both strangers and family, and still being like, “I am an impenetrable shield of rightness.”

At the ball, Peggy is SO BEAUTIFUL, LOOK AT THE FEATHER IN HER HAIR. Peggy is beautiful. The dancing is beautiful. Everything is beautiful. William arrives and beelines to Arthur and Dorothy, and immediately asks Arthur for Peggy’s hand in marriage. This is a real turnaround from earlier, sir, but I approve because this scene is Bridgerton-levels of me grabbing my heart and going “nooooooooooo it’s so cuuuuuuuuuuute.” William gets on one knee in the middle of the dance floor while everyone is watching and promises never to leave her again. Aghhhhhh, it’s so good. You deserve this, Peggy!!! You deserve a feather-laden, dance-encircled proposal from this very tall man!

At the Astor ball (the Russell ball?), Church announces more and more arrivals, as if this were a garden party organized by James Trickington. Marian and Aurora arrive. Gladys and Hector are there. Charlotte Drayton decides to go, even if Mrs. Astor is furious about it and calls the decision to invite divorced women the “reckless folly of Mrs. Russell.” Charlotte responds that Mrs. Astor is just trying to protect herself, rather than caring about her family. Charlotte, it’s like you didn’t even read my interview with Donna Murphy. Mrs. Astor is all about family. But now she has to put her words into action.

Bertha looks antsy all evening, as Mrs. Astor has still not shown up. But then!! BUT THEN. HER ARRIVAL. This is legitimately my favorite scene in the whole season. The whole series? Maybe. Mrs. Astor’s carriage pulls up; at first, we only see her back. The jewelry reveal is everything. The music coupled with it is everything. I watched this scene three times. She is the moment. She is Dolly Levi down the steps of the Harmonia Gardens once more. She is mother. Charlotte comes up to her and asks what made her change her mind. “Your situation may be embarrassing, but you are not an embarrassment. You are my daughter.” A LOVELY MOMENT.

Everything is pretty downhill from there. George and Bertha have a cute moment, Oscar proposes a marriage deal to Mrs. Winterton, Larry and Marian make up, Gladys is having a baby, and we hear the sentence, “Bertha Russell’s ballroom is full of the future.” Okay, guys.

Based on George and Bertha’s interaction at the ball, and what he says to Larry about not letting a misunderstanding get in the way of your happiness, I thought they had made up. But the next morning, George is like, well, back to New York, bye. He’s furious that Bertha forced Gladys into her marriage. What? But Gladys is literally right there and happy? What? He thinks the shooting made him examine his life. George. What the fuck are you talking about?

I will here register my dismay over a lackluster season finale. There were so many dramatic moments the season could have ended with — Gladys’s wedding, George’s assassination attempt — and instead it closed with a thud. A very wrapped-up-feeling thud. George is still mad at Bertha, sure, but Gladys is happy and having a baby; Larry and Marian are back on; Peggy and William are engaged; Ada and Agnes both have new roles and seem content with them; Bertha has assumed the Astor mantle. What are we supposed to be looking forward to for next season? We had no stunning declaration or perilous event. We just have 98 percent of our enormous cast being … fine. What’s your game, Gilded Age?

 George, you’re reverse-Ebenezer Scroogeing it.