What’s seven times five? It’s a question that apparently should be added to any sobriety test, because Georgia answered it to prove that she wasn’t too drunk to confront Riley after last week’s party. The problem was she incorrectly answered 45 — but at least when she was corrected, she agreed to hold off on sparring over her handwashing until another day. We learned about this scene through a flashback as she and Charlie recounted their night, which is also how we discovered that five minutes after leaving the event, Georgia lost her phone. But honestly, we should have guessed that.
They also tell their friends Shai and Dylan about Gia coming to Brooks’s defense, and Shia asks for a reminder of who Gia is. Dylan answers this question in the best way possible by singing, “Waking up in the morning, thinking about so many things.” This, of course, was the song that Gia wrote as a child about her mother fighting with her uncle, which has since gone viral on TikTok and taken on a life of its own. Not only that, Dylan also explained to them that the context of the song is actually quite sad, so right off the bat, I’m impressed by his knowledge of RHONJ lore.
Speaking of RHONJ, Teresa is on the scene, joining Gia for a double date with Brooks and Meredith. Thank goodness for this show, which gives us at least a little dose of Tre on our screens during New Jersey’s long, continued (and potentially permanent) pause. Best of all, she immediately breaks the fourth wall by waving at a camera operator she recognizes from her own show. The pair tells their mothers about Charlie, saying that Gia was Brooks’s mouthpiece, and in their joint confession, Brooks turns to Gia and asks how to address the subject. She tells him exactly what to say, but as he starts to say it, he catches himself using Gia as his mouthpiece. But why stop? I wish Gia was my mouthpiece, too; life would be so much better! She could tell restaurants that they got my order wrong or yell at bikers who try to run me over. It would be a dream.
But the most entertaining part of this lunch is when they tell their moms about Georgia not washing her hands, and Meredith emits a truly horrified, “EWWW!” It’s like music to my ears; I need Meredith’s “EWWW!” as a ringtone.
However, while we know Brooks, Gia, and their moms incredibly well, there is still about half of this cast that we’re slowly getting to know more about. For example, we learn a lot about Charlie just from the quick shot of weed scattered all over a MacBook at his apartment, which he shares with his OnlyFans model roommate, Dylan. Dylan should be in the main cast, particularly after complaining about the messes Charlie leaves for his maid and shading his crypto-trading abilities. That latter sentiment is hammered home by a scene with Charlie and his father, who seem to have a strained relationship and who similarly suggests that Charlie’s trading hasn’t been a fruitful endeavor. Somebody needs to tell Charlie that it’s okay just to be a trust fund baby. He doesn’t have to throw away perfectly good money on made-up stocks so that it looks like he’s doing something.
We also get to hear more about Emira and Ava’s respective relationships this week as they take a stroll through the park, something Emira says she hates to do. She doesn’t walk in the city, she says, but rather hops in and out of Escalades — a fact that unfortunately makes her lose any cool points she’s accrued thus far. Getting around the city exclusively in cars is, sadly, loser behavior. But to her credit, her boyfriend, Kevin, a chill normie amid this young socialite party scene, seems great. Meanwhile, Ava is dating someone named Hook … what more is there to say? Emira ships her with Charlie, but even without having met this Hook character yet, I think she’s better off sticking with her pirate.
Speaking of boyfriends, Ariana continues to spend the show just roaming aimlessly around the city with her boyfriend Hudson in tow. I need them to hurry up and join the rest of the cast already because there’s only so much more I can take of them rummaging through a random fabric store because they want to start a clothing line. Thank god that finally happens this week, starting with her meeting up with her fellow RHOA alum, Riley.
Ahead of that park-bench hang, Riley calls her mom, Kandi, asking about her falling out with Kim (which ultimately led to Riley and Ariana losing touch as kids). Kandi correctly tells her that it’s none of her business and sends a cute photo of the two of them as kids. But I do think it’s funny that Riley is asking her mom this when it’s a very Google-able question. In any case, I hope a beautiful friendship emerges between these two, and they end up singing “Tardy for the Party” at karaoke. If anything, this meeting was a first step toward that, with Riley inviting Ariana (who’s new to the city and without any friends) out with their group in Brooklyn — a likely invite to get when you’re on the same reality-show cast.
As you’d imagine, this night out in Brooklyn is spoken about by the rest of the cast as if they need to bring their passports. We quickly learn that even the thought of Ariana joining the group is ruffling some feathers, specifically with Charlie. Brooks explains that as filming was about to begin, Charlie was annoyed at how many Housewives kids were joining the cast. Naturally this rubbed Brooks and Riley the wrong way, who felt like they were being looked down upon because their parents came “from a certain space.” This is bizarre nepo-on-nepo infighting that’s giving old money versus new money. Ultimately, I think it has less to do with status and more to do with Charlie being outnumbered and the show becoming something other than what he thought he was signing up for.
Because of this, there’s a weird vibe from the second Ariana walks in. Nobody on this show seems to know how to greet a stranger warmly, and Charlie and Ariana have both heard enough about each other going in to put them at odds from the jump. When Charlie makes a joke about giving Georgia hand sanitizer, Ariana chimes in, which bothers him since she wasn’t even there for that saga. He’s truly just looking for any reason to have a problem with her.
In fact, he seems to be in a fighting mood in general, even deciding to reopen the wound that had barely healed with Brooks by once again bringing up his date with Chloe. Without Gia there to defend Brooks (she certainly wasn’t going to be crossing two rivers to get all the way to Brooklyn), Charlie goes too far as to say, “You don’t care if I fuck your sister?” A question that cements his status on the show as a slimy little creep.
What’s our girl Georgia up to during all of this? Well, it seems like she didn’t need to throw (unwashed) hands after all. She and Riley have made peace, joking about the whole thing. Georgia greets her by promising that she washed her hands just for her, but after shaking Riley’s friend’s hand, she says, “Got him!” Our comic relief has arrived! The group then tries to teach Georgia how to avoid sitting on a public toilet seat. The best of all, when they’re all out dancing at the club, she pulls out her full-ass laptop and requests a hotspot because she still doesn’t have her phone. The laptop is out at the club … a star is born.
Meanwhile, outside the club — where all good things happen — Ariana confronts Charlie about why he’s being such a dick, especially toward Brooks. It’s at this point that Charlie says something very interesting. “You guys are, like, groomed very well to do this nonsense. I’ll fake beef with you; I’ll fake beef with your girl,” he says, which seems to suggest part of the reason he didn’t like the idea of being on a show with so many Housewives kids is that he views them as little reality television machines. As if growing up on Bravo meant that they were trained by the network from a young age to produce dramatic television. In this case, Milania Guidice was being trained to become some sort of weapon of mass destruction.
Granted, he’s not necessarily wrong. You could argue that people like Gia and Ariana are the most confrontational because they spent the majority of their lives in that environment (much more so than both Brooks and Riley). It’s Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000-hour rule. But in theory, Charlie should be glad to be on a show with people who can make it a good show. In theory! In practice, it’s more likely that Charlie might not like the idea of inherently being a weaker member of this show’s more experienced ensemble. But by giving them someone to sic that expertise on, he’s setting himself up to be a more valuable player than he might realize — corduroy pants and all.
Charlie has drawn a line between the Housewives children and the Bravo newcomers.
