As you know, Love Island airs an episode every day of the week except for Wednesday, which is when our weekly recap will publish for the rest of the season.

For all the promised dramatics, a week into the villa, everything looks more or less the same, even with the addition of four new bombshells and two departures. Huda and Jeremiah are still married if teetering on the rocks. Chelley and Ace are still coupled up with other people but with eyes only for each other. Olandria and Taylor are still whatever. Nic is still irritating, and Belle-A is still a nonentity (RIP). I regret spending so much time on Yulissa last week, because she has already left the villa with a whisper of explanation from the show. (We now know it was because of racist comments.) The only real difference is that I’m now more disgusted with Ace than with Austin, which is a major coup.

Most of the dramatics come courtesy of Nic, whose head is turned from Belle-A the moment a woman who is actually willing to kiss him on the mouth enters the villa. This is bombshell Cierra, who gets to spend her first night in the hideaway with the boy of her choosing, and she’s chosen Nic. By the time of the mini-recoupling, it’s not a shock when she decides to couple up with him, leaving Belle-A single. Charlie, the other night-one bombshell, is less lucky. He picks Chelley, who is patently not interested, despite numerous attempts and a risky “It’s written in the stars that we should kiss right now” gambit. Unfortunately, no one else is interested either.

I suspect Nic would be surprised to learn there is a blogger on the outside scribbling “Madonna/Whore dynamic?” into her notes when taking in his love triangle between Belle-A and Cierra. If that’s of any comfort to Cierra, who frets when she learns that she has the highest body count while Belle-A, her rival, has the lowest. It’s not any of the three’s fault that their mess fits so tidily into a sexist archetype — not that Nic is above boiling down his human relationships into their most simplistic numeric terms — but Belle-A does realize at last that playing the Jessica Simpson to Cierra’s Christina Aguilera isn’t doing her any favors.

So, during the Run the Bases challenge, Belle-A decides to start kissing the boys. The challenge is your standard, semi-obscene Love Island fare, related to baseball in only the very loosest sense and involving a grotesque use of food — bobbing for baseballs in buttered popcorn, slathering one another in ketchup, passing a Popsicle between mouths, etc. — with the girls each assigning a boy to a base according to personal ranking. Everyone expects Belle-A to opt out of the slobbering that is an encouraged, but not mandatory, part of the game. But instead, she comes out of the gate tongue-first and makes out with every boy on her lineup, eliciting a proud, “Our baby’s growing up!” from Olandria. And it’s enough to shift Nic’s personal rankings from 70/30 Cierra to an even 50/50 split between them.

Belle-A declares herself “empowered” by the exercise, but not empowered enough to feel appropriately offended when Nic brings her the good news — she’s now tied with Cierra for his affections. Thus encouraged, Nic and Belle-A make out for real in Soul Ties — the chair beneath the neon sign reading “soul ties” — and for a moment, it feels like the weathervane that is Nic’s erection is pointed solidly in Belle-A’s direction. Until minutes later when he and Cierra are passionately kissing in the photo booth, which is their special spot.

There’s a lot of pressure on Nic at the recoupling because whoever he does not choose, either Belle-A or Cierra, will be immediately dumped from the island. He chooses Cierra, including in his speech a line about their special moment in the photo booth, which means that Belle-A’s time in the villa is at an end. Huda and Chelley are distraught, to the point that Chelley has sobbed off her concealer, but Belle-A is the real winner here because she has finally learned how to tell Nic exactly where he can shove it. He whines afterward that he wishes it didn’t have to be like this. She points out, “You made it like this.” Yes, girl, but where was this energy when he was stringing you along?

But unless they’re dealing with Maura “Are You Fuckin’ Jokin’” Higgins, dudes never actually get punished for their terrible behavior on this show. This is why, even after Olandria spills the beans to Cierra about Nic and Belle-A’s Soul Ties moment, Cierra can’t even maintain her righteous anger at Nic for a full day. Ace and Taylor claim they are not impressed with the way Nic is moving; bless them, but this is the whole reason the rest of us watch this show.

And anyway, let’s not pretend that Ace is the emotionally mature king he seems to think he is. Ace is really working my last nerve here, folks. For the past week, while Chelley has been coupled up with Austin, Ace has been pulling her for innuendo-laced chats and dispensing forehead kisses, giving her and everyone else every reason to believe that he’s going to pick her at the recoupling. Alas, two bombshells, Hannah and Amaya, arrive at the end of the Run the Bases challenge, and Ace thinks this is the perfect opportunity to start playing his own games. With the arrival of Amaya, an odd quadrangle emerges between her, Austin, Ace, and Chelley. At first, that is.

Chelley has told Austin she’s feeling more of a platonic energy between them, but Austin has his heart set on a friends-to-lovers arc and hasn’t given up. Failing that, he is also intrigued by Amaya. She invites him to join her for a morning meditation, where they kiss (!), and she admirably refrains from laughing at his dumb sun hat. (I do wonder if Amaya knows what we learned about Austin during the State Your Case game a day earlier. Primarily, Austin is a pig who claims to have sent thousands of dick pics in his lifetime. Doing some quick math on that, if this number is correct, there is no way each of those pictures was solicited, which makes it an automatic no for me, dog.)

Unfortunately, Amaya, like everyone else in this dang villa, is also interested in Ace, who decides he’s interested right back. Frankly, Ace is interested in everyone right back, even though it is clear to anyone with eyes that he has the most romantic chemistry with Chelley. Theirs is the only banter that feels like a conversation between humans who like each other and not just first-date 20 Questions. But then, not unlike the way he kissed Huda during the Blindfold Challenge for no reason whatsoever, Ace decides to pick Amaya at the recoupling, even though her awkward flirtation style is really a much better match for Austin. It is a choice that leaves everyone stuck with their back-burner matches, and I think Ace did it on purpose.

Why? It’s possible Ace is trying to manipulate Chelley into wanting him more by pushing her away, making Austin correct when he says, “Stop trying to make her chase you; she’s not a chaser-type girl.” God help me for agreeing with Austin, but what can you do? There is some evidence for this theory because, after the recoupling, Ace decides this is the perfect time to tell Amaya that she can expect the absolute bare minimum from him. Amaya, to her credit, clocks this shit at once as player behavior, which Ace decides is a red flag. What follows is a series of painful-to-watch confrontations between the two, in which Ace reprimands Amaya for normal human behavior, like expecting the guy who chose her to show some romantic interest, in the low, measured tone of a psychopath. He takes great issue with Amaya calling him “babe,” for instance, even though Amaya calls everyone “babe.” But Amaya has a raise-your-voice-and-speak-with-your-hands kind of confrontation style, which makes it easy for the guys to label her an unhinged try-hard.

At this point, sides have been drawn along gender lines, which all come out during the Pucker or Pie challenge. Rules of the game: Islanders answer shady questions about one another, then flip a giant coin to decide whether they’ll kiss or pie their pick. Taylor, in defense of Ace, says Amaya is the Islander who’s trying too hard. And Huda, in defense of Amaya, says Ace is the Islander secretly hoping someone better comes along. Feelings are hurt all around, but at least Cierra seizes on the opportunity to make out with Chelley, giving me false hope that these two will find a way to couple up with each other instead of the jerks they’re currently stuck with. But tragically, Chelley doesn’t seem to have ruled Ace out.

Another possible explanation for Ace choosing a girl he seems to loathe over the girl he seems to like is that Ace is worried about locking it down too early. If Ace chooses Chelley, he might find himself in an actual relationship, and Ace has made no secret of his intentions to entertain any and every possible connection as long as he’s in the villa. This is perhaps why he (and Nic and Taylor) views Huda and Jeremiah with such exaggerated side-eye. Ace is so defensive of his own right to fuckboy-dom that he has nominated himself Huda and Jeremiah’s hater-in-chief. That, plus he’s probably worried that Jeremiah is going to make him look bad. We’ve seen this dynamic before. One couple starts the game basically married, and another guy makes it his mission to break them up. And this time, it might be working.

At the beginning of the week, I don’t even need to declare Huda and Jeremiah villa mom and dad because Huda has already claimed the title for them. They do have some matching energies, but not all of them are good. Jeremiah getting fired up at the idea of Huda kissing someone else during the blindfold game (astutely clocked as a red flag by Olandria) is matched by Huda’s crashout after Amaya kisses Jeremiah during the Bases challenge. Jeremiah consistently stonewalls other suitors, but that doesn’t stop Huda from marking her territory with a pointed, “Hey, baby” or even just a stink eye while Amaya tries pulling him for a chat. Ace asks Huda if she realizes it’s only been four days, but Huda doesn’t care because she just told Jeremiah she’s a mom, and that means something to her.

Jeremiah takes this reveal in stride, by the way, at least initially. After all, what is he gonna do? Drop her and then get immediately booted off the island to a chorus of abuse on social media? He’s momentarily stunned, which is fair, but assures Huda that — for right now, at least — she’s still the only woman in this villa for him. Then they go take a shower together. This is basically the dynamic. They’re good until they’re mysteriously not, usually owing to a crisis one of them has constructed in their own mind, and then they’re good again. One minute, they’re on their water-park date and discussing their future outside the villa. The next, Huda is pressing Jeremiah to commit more than he’s ready to, and Jeremiah decides Huda treats him like she’s his mom, indicating that he’s less chill about the mom thing than he claims.

At least Huda has the benefit of friends like Olandria and Chelley, who keep their doubts about Jeremiah’s intentions to themselves. Jeremiah has Ace and Nic in his ear telling him they think Huda is fake and playing a game, for which they have no evidence other than trying to excuse their own shitty behavior. I’m not saying I know for sure Huda and Jeremiah are both completely genuine, just that trying to sabotage them intentionally is bad form either way.

I would like to check in with Olandria here, because she’s my favorite, but these days she spends most of her time talking Belle-A, and occasionally Huda, off the ledge. She and Taylor are progressing at a snail’s pace because Taylor can’t figure out why he’s not physically attracted to her. Sir, we are all trying to figure that out.

And then there’s Charlie, Love Island’s most forgotten Brit. For most of the week, Charlie languishes on the sidelines, unpicked by any of the girls at the first firepit and beginning to panic by the time of the Bases challenge, where most of the girls have ranked him in fourth place. Is he doomed to stay forever on first base? He even muses that he’s just too British for these American girls, not realizing that his British accent is his strongest asset. Luckily for him, two new bombshells are announced at the tail end of the challenge, and Hannah is happy to be charmed by Charlie’s accent once she realizes Austin has the personality of wet sand. Hannah and Charlie kiss during the challenge. They kiss on the first night. They kiss first thing in the morning to a hooting audience in the kitchen. Good for Charlie. It’s funny, really. Charlie started the week as the loneliest hottie in Fiji. Now, he’s the only Islander who’s not feeling salty and deeply insecure in his relationship.

Can I Pull You for a Chat?

• “Have you heard of Belgian waffles?” — Nic

• “You’re a goddess; you need offerings.” — Cierra

• “Damn, Nic! They say you a jezebel!” — Ace

• “Tip tip, cheerio, take my clothes off.” — Hannah

• “Nobody knows how to take care of their teeth anymore. Everybody just goes straight for the keyboards.” — Amaya

• “How much more exploring do you need?” — Olandria

• “Like Dora or some shit.” — Chelley

 Ace reveals his mission to play his own twisted game with Amaya and Chelley and to break up Huda and Jeremiah.