It’s the most sinister time of the year: Netflix is introducing us to a new group of Love Is Blind boos. To kick off the month of October, we’ve got ghosting, black-and-white flashbacks, and some moments where I definitely felt spooked … but for the most part, our introduction to the Denver dating scene is pretty boring. While the pacing of the pod episodes historically never feels perfect to me, it’s a particular slog to get to the season-nine engagements. Still, for our patience, we’re eventually rewarded with a couple of dramatic payoffs. And the season preview does seem to promise that things will eventually get more interesting; shots of a groom going to get some air and a bride’s knees buckling suggest that at least one couple may be headed toward a wedding-day crisis.

But first, we have five main pod storylines to break down. Let’s get into it.

Ali and Anton

Did this relationship get the fastest edit because they both used to work in fast food? Probably not, but I don’t have a ton of other details about these McDonald’s alums to riff off of. I’m trying my best. Nurse Ali and transportation/logistics worker Anton bond over the fact that English isn’t their first language, that they want to raise kids in the type of loving home neither of them had growing up, and that they seemingly agree that the man should be the provider in a relationship. Before the end of the first episode, they tell each other “I love you,” and Anton proposes to his “baby girl.” She’s dreamed about being his ride home when he’s locked up, so they’re clearly locked in. But as a viewer, the engagement feels abrupt. I blame Netflix’s pacing — why are we getting flashbacks of a couple that we’ve barely known for half an hour? They do seem happy at the reveal. Unfortunately, Anton kinda ruins it for me when he says he’s glad that she’s beautiful, though it wouldn’t have mattered if she were “twice the size.”

Madison and Joe

I just know the casting team felt like this picture of LeBron James when they scored Madison Becuase the UX/UI designer has retinitis pigmentosa and a self-described “good chance” of eventually going blind; she’s all-in on the concept of the Love Is Blind experiment. If she gets married, Netflix will never shut up about it. In the pods, she gets engaged to Joe, who works in sales and makes her laugh. He seems a little thrown when she tells him about her eye condition, but says it doesn’t change his feelings for her. My main takeaway from their pod dates is that their banter can sometimes devolve into miscommunication, like when Madison gets exasperated that he won’t finish planning her perfect date.

Joe’s been engaged before, and the reveal doesn’t make me feel overly optimistic about how successful his second try will be. He claims that he is attracted to Madison and that it just takes a second for the physical and emotional to click, but the tone and wording of his confessionals (“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I was not expecting that” and “When I say Madison, that’s now connected to that — to her”) leave a bad taste in my mouth. Even Madison can tell that he was in shock, though she initially chalks it up to nerves about the situation.

Edmond and Kalybriah

Say what you want about Edmond — and I definitely will later in this very recap — but he never tries to be someone he’s not. If Edmond wants to Naruto-run down the hall or make out with the floor, he will. And he’s certainly not afraid to cry or get vulnerable in his dates with Kalybriah, a travel social worker who listens attentively when he shares his experience growing up in the foster care system. (She opens up too, explaining why she struggles to forgive her absent father the way Edmond has forgiven his mom.)

Edmond’s current job as a realtor jives well with her dream of opening a non-profit group home. They both say that they’ve found their best friend, and the speech that Kalybriah gives before he proposes already feels like a full-fledged wedding vow. When they meet in person, she remains charmed by her knee-pumping fiancé and how “different” he is. As for Edmond’s reaction to the reveal? “I’m about to cry with a boner,” he says in a confessional.

Nick, Annie, Kait, and Brenden

Not-Gay Nick, a luxury watch dealer whose own mother once tried to tell him it was okay to come out of the closet, is juggling relationships with two women. His top choice is Kait, a dietitian who doesn’t immediately reciprocate his confession of love. But he’s really upset to hear that she isn’t open to exploring a relationship with God, even though he would’ve known that if he had used any listening comprehension skills when she told him how it felt to watch her mom die from cancer. Moments after saying that he will love Kait for life, Nick declares that he actually “can’t go through with this.” Conveniently, he then decides that hair salon owner Annie is actually the one for him.

Although Annie’s top choice has consistently been finance manager Brenden, she gets tired of waiting for him to stop talking about doors and start saying he loves her. She feels much more reassured by Nick, and shares his belief that it’s a “fad” for kids to be LGBTQ+. (All I have to say to that is — if I may steal a phrase from a different pod story line — Nick doesn’t sound like he would be homophobic.) Annie claims that she’d love her child regardless, but it seems like having a gay kid would weigh as heavily on her heart as those extensions do on her head.

Brenden begs Annie not to pick Nick, but she’s made up her mind, and our two love triangles ultimately give way to one homophobic couple. Edmond bursts into tears on Brenden’s behalf when Nick walks into the men’s lounge to celebrate his engagement. (“He didn’t even look at you,” Edmond says, apparently too distraught to realize he’s making the situation more awkward.) Annie admits that Nick is not the rugged mountain man she had pictured, but says that he’s cute. They kiss a lot during the reveal, so there’s that.

Megan, Mike, Jordan, Blake, Anna, Patrick, and Kacie

The tagline for these people is “Crazy, Rich, Asian.” Let’s start with the glitter-loving businesswoman who calls herself Sparkle Megan. Her usual type is real estate investor Mike, who is part of a “tribe” of rich guys and at one point tells her they’d have the “sexiest,” “most nutritious” kids together. Then there’s Jordan, a tatted branch service manager and single dad. He’s most charming when bragging about his five-year-old son Luca, who — like Megan’s late father — has type 1 diabetes. Megan is scared that Mike is too much like her exes, and leans toward friend-zoning Jordan because of his “lifestyle” (quick, someone play “No Broke Boys”). Her first choice is Blake, an introspective accountant who has also had to process the death of a parent.

That brings us to another pair of love triangles, because Blake is also dating hairstylist Anna, who is dating construction manager Patrick, who is dating hair and makeup artist Kacie. Patrick has had people write him off because he’s Asian, so he’s pleased to hear Kacie say that one of her brothers is the type of white dude who only dates Asian girls (hmm…) and that her other brothers are also in interracial relationships. But he seems more intrigued by the idea of marrying another Asian person; it seems like a conversation with Anna is the first time he’s both said and been told that Chinese ancestry is “hot.” Right after, he tells us in a confessional that he’s found someone to propose to, though Anna stands him up. The producers make Patrick figure out that she went home in real time, but they directly break the news to Blake. According to Kait, Anna felt “bummed” after a date and started “decombusting” before she ultimately left the experiment without saying good-bye.

With Anna gone, Blake decides that it doesn’t make sense for him to stay. He ghosts Sparkle Megan (hurt people hurt people, etc.), which makes her wonder if the universe is telling her not to break up with Jordan yet. Mike tries to play some mind games to get her to doubt her compatibility with Jordan, but she ultimately decides to live out the Hallmark-esque trope of a rich girl giving a blue-collar, single dad a chance. She gets engaged to Jordan, whose first priority during the reveal is to show her pictures of his son. Cute!

Meanwhile, Patrick has invented an alternate reality where he and Anna were too similar for him to want to marry her. After some strained dates where Patrick doubts how much Kacie really likes him, she wins him over by monologuing about how much she cares about him … and how much she wants to sleep with him. Once they get engaged, he says he can’t wait to start pushing the Wasian agenda with her (or as he puts it, having kids who are “half mixies”). He seems thrilled with what he sees during the reveal, adding in a confessional that her kindness “protrudes” through her formones … fearmones … pheromones. She tells him he’s handsome, but I can’t help but notice that she doesn’t look back when he walks away.

And there we have it! We have six couples who are headed to Baja.

Or do we?

Kacie tells producers that she’s positive her attraction to Patrick will never grow. But when they meet up and he asks if she wants to break up, Kacie says, “Yeah, no.” He believes that she just doesn’t want to be on the show anymore and that they’ll keep dating in Denver. Given the way she kisses and jumps on him, can you blame him? It’s wild that no one clues Patrick in, even once he point-blank asks what she told them. Making him wait until the episode airs to find out feels cruel.

Anyway, the remaining five couples are off to Baja, where some of them hold up better than others. Ali discovers that Anton kisses with his eyes open and doesn’t necessarily align with her spending expectations. But those seem like small issues compared to what Joe and Madison have going on. It feels like Joe’s constantly trying to convince both us and her that he’s happy (and has overcome his typical preference for “thinner women”). He proves to be a bit of a messy drunk, and during the group party, he lowkey has more chemistry with Jordan than with Madison. It all leads up to a fight where Madison starts panicking because Joe isn’t coherent seconds after she wakes him up from a nap. I doubt it helps that a cameraman apparently sticks around for the entire fight.

There’s also trouble brewing for Edmond and Kalybriah. How could she know him and expect him to jump at the chance to kill bugs or get into hypothetical fights at the club? Meanwhile, Edmond doesn’t listen when Kalybriah asks to be more tactful with the other women, and he tells the men that even though Kalybriah doesn’t want to have sex until they get married, he’s gotta “hit it” before then. After the party, Edmond’s surprised to learn that they’re the only ones who haven’t had sex. Kalybriah explains that she’s making him wait because this relationship means something to her; she’s only had one-night stands with people she didn’t care about. But Edmond starts acting like a few foot rubs mean that he’s owed sex. The traits I used to find endearing in him — like the fact that he doesn’t hesitate to express big emotions — now feel off-putting; I get chills when he raises his voice, cries, and complains that he’s just too fucking nice of a guy before finally just closing his eyes while Kalybriah talks. It’s a haunting final scene.

Extra Engaged

Who’s getting married? I’m continuing the tradition I started last season of asking my Vulture/New York Magazine colleagues every week which couples they think will tie the knot. Here are the results of this week’s informal poll:

🥇 Annie and Nick (83%)

🥈 Ali and Anton (67%)

🥉 Sparkle Megan and Jordan (50%)

😬 Edmond and Kalybriah (17%)

😭 Madison and Joe (0%)

Madison and Joe, you’re really starting to scare us!

Our group also voted Jordan as our favorite person of the week. Nick was the villain of the week (honorable mention to Type 1 diabetes, though).

IRL: This is a new section I’m starting to collect the fruits of my internet-stalking, because it feels like that’s just baked into the Love Is Blind viewing experience now. (Shout-out to TikTok’s favorite LIB correspondent.) As I’m writing this, Patrick and Kacie currently still follow each other on Instagram, but I’ll be curious to see how quickly that changes once this batch of episodes drops. Also, yes, Kacie’s sister and dad really are singers in Korea — and I’m pretty sure that this is the website for Mike’s “tribe” of “high-caliber men.” It looks exactly how you’d expect.

A Couple of Last Thoughts

• Thanks to the season preview, we already know that Edmond and Kalybriah will still make it to the altar. Netflix tries not to spoil it by hiding faces, but there’s only so much you can do when you only have one Black couple in the season.

• I always wonder about the people who go on Love Is Blind and end up being background characters. How did Dayo and his English accent end up in Denver? Dylan casually drops that he’s only watched two TV shows in his entire life … which two, dude? And does that mean that this season of Love Is Blind will be his third? If so, I promise television can be better than this!

 While there are plenty of engagements, it’s the dramatic exits, ghosting, and blow-ups that make the introduction episodes exciting.