Oh no. Here I was last episode, making an offhand reference to how cringe it is to detail some random dream you had. But little did I know just how much dream discussion we’d all be in for. Like, there is a serious chance we might end up watching a multi-episode arc about the ethics of honk-shoo horniness.
While we’re at it, some questions for the class: Does telling someone you had a sex dream about them count as cheating? What about if you’re allowed to kiss this person and that doesn’t count as cheating? Does your opinion change if one of the perpetrators is named “Chase McWhorter”? Before dabbling in the world of MomTok, I’d have assumed that most Mormons would consider smooshing your organs together in a sexual way to be a worse marital offense than mere dream analysis. Clearly I have a lot to learn. Open the schools!
In Provo, we’re still at Miranda’s housewarming where she is trying to convince the girls to let her back into MomTok. She says she wasn’t ready to own anything during the original swinging scandal, mostly because of where she was at the time with the church and her family. Taylor goes on about how Miranda’s ex-husband, Chase, both hates her and is obsessed with her because one time, in the midst of all their group smooching, she dished on a sex dream she had about him, then he admitted his feelings for her, and she was like, “no thanks.” Taylor apologizes for not coming to Miranda first about the post-dream feelings disclosure. It’s definitely not the end of this saga because Messi Jessi (complimentary, to be clear) is having a Halloween party and has invited everyone involved in this hetero version of “The Chart” from The L Word.
To begin prepping for this Halloween party, Layla, Mikayla, and Jessi go to a store where they exclusively sell costumes for Stagecoach music festival. This outing mostly exists so Layla can soft-launch her new boyfriend, Cameron, a soccer coach who was raised Mormon — and also her new boobs. She seems happy, and I am in turn happy to see a divorced woman thriving. That is, until we’re collectively smacked in the face with a transition clip of Zac, Dakota, and Jordan eating cereal then spitting the milk-drenched nubbins back into the bowl. None for me, thanks! You should be able to get a divorce for free with any large Dirty Soda at Swig. MomTok, make it happen.
Alas, we must watch the men attempt to show off their many dimensions. Dakota invites his “friends” to go fly-fishing so he can say “oh frick” and plot how he’s going to fix his Taylor woes. Zac is in essentially the same situation. He gripes in his Elmo-with-a-sinus-infection voice about how hard it is to have nasty interactions and receive death threats in his DMs. Perhaps Zac might be grasping why Jen’s job as an extremely online member of MomTok is challenging on a psychological level and worthy of his respect?
Absolutely not! Zac only cares about optics. He meets up with Demi and Jessi in their matching trench coats and proceeds to go on about how the Chippendale’s situation made him look like the biggest hypocrite in the world. Indeed it did, sir, and it’s a great idea to maybe dig into the conditioning that led you to believe your actions at the time were correct. Somehow instead of an earnest apology, they all end up talking about Jen — if she lied about Zac gambling away his med-school money, if she lied about no one reaching out to her, if she is correct in diagnosing Zac as a narcissist. Zac takes Jen’s side (sort of?) because he’s “supposed to.” Mr. Optics is at it again! My take on this situation is that multiple things can be true at once: Jen seems to be playing both sides and Zac seems to kind of suck.
Continuing the parade of mess, Taylor’s parents host a barbecue and invite Dakota. But this isn’t just a casual “oh, logistically it makes sense for my grandson’s dad to be invited.” Nope, this is full-blown emotional interference. Off the heels of confessing that she’s still in close contact with dream-drama king Chase because “he’s nice to me,” Liann says she’s tired of Taylor and Dakota’s back-and-forth. Taylor’s dad says their relationship “started on a foundation of shit,” then has the audacity to ask what Dakota’s cheating says about his daughter. Her brother says Taylor needs to make sacrifices and Dakota insists that Taylor asking him to hang out at night was low-key slutty on her part. It’s a MomTok ANTI-FEMINIST-FUCKERY RED ALERT.
Luckily, Taylor’s sister is a MomTok brand steward and lays down the law. Her multipronged plan includes Dakota and Taylor separating and staying separated, Dakota getting a job and focusing on himself, and Taylor going to therapy and giving herself grace. I’m ready to fully endorse her suggested scope of work until she mumbles something about Satan being in Taylor’s mind. But hey, MomTok is about progress, not perfection.
At Jen’s house, Zac gives a post-game report on his meetup with Jessi and Demi. Jen says the word “resentment” too many times and admits that so many people have made her feel delusional for defending Zac after Vegas. They have a debate that goes nowhere about the degree to which it’s acceptable to vent to your “friends” about your marriage, especially when it means you’re painting a one-dimensional portrait of your partner. Ultimately the decision is to end the “he said, she said” and get everyone in the same room. They could also just clearly lay out the gambling stakes and the bank accounts, and close the case on the whole situation, but that would not make for compelling television. Or would it?! An idea for the people at Hulu: Next season, see what happens if we go even a little bit more Uncut Gems.
During the run-up to Jessi’s Halloween party, the moms exist on very different wavelengths. Demi and Jessi have flown in Jayson, a Chippendale’s dancer, to teach their husbands a choreographed dance. Their plan is to re-create the early-aughts MTV reality show Boiling Point by giving Jen the full Chippendale’s experience and watching gleefully as Zac loses his mind. On the other side of town, Whitney is hours away from going into labor and grabbing some last-minute spooky-season onesies. Motherhood has something for everyone!
In what I pray is the end of this Zac and Jen–versus–Jessi and Demi situation, they all sit down and try to get to the truth. Jen digs herself deeper into a hole by getting mad that Jessi and Demi only say negative things about Zac when she’s the one who keeps calling him a narcissist and going off about his gambling problem. On that note, Zac tells Jen to tell the truth. Jen visibly disassociates and says, “No, he didn’t gamble money that his parents sent us.” Jen also establishes herself as the kind of person who ignores their friend texts and then pops in for five minutes of availability once a week before disappearing again. She then threatens to disclose “what happened in Italy” with Demi.
If you thought we were getting another layer of drama, it appears not. It’s just promo for Hulu’s Vanderpump Villa, where the MomTok ladies show up in a season-two crossover episode. (Is anyone watching Vanderpump Villa? Should I be watching Vanderpump Villa?) Demi says she handled a situation with some handsy hunk in a tank top the best she could have, and Jen is grasping at straws. It’s all very against the MomTok brand pillar of “women supporting women.” Tsk-tsk.
Finally, we get to the Halloween party. Half the people are wearing Mean Girls costumes and the other half are dressed — to varying degrees of success — as J.Lo and Ben Affleck. (Note: Mr. Optics, Zac, makes it crystal clear that he does not believe he’s related to Ben Affleck even though Jen insists he is.) Taylor is in a Gretchen Wieners costume, warming up her jaw for some yelling with a giant wad of gum. It’s perfect timing because Chase (sex-dream guy) waltzes in and immediately starts yakking it up with Dakota. Chase asks, then answers, a bunch of his own questions about whether or not he fucked Taylor and goes on about his mission and getting married in the temple. This man is so messy, and it’s immediately clear why the producers had Jessi invite him. He keeps pointing at Taylor, who interprets it as a summons.
Chase confesses how he loves Taylor’s mom and dad (red flag!) and says the lowest point of his life was when Taylor announced they were swingers to the whole universe. Taylor says, “Oh, really?” as if she’s gonna cook him up a new low right then and there. They all descend into chaos while playing “truth for truth” and it’s a reminder of how no one (mostly men) on this show have any idea what they’re getting into with people like Taylor. She is fearless. In another universe, on another timeline, she is the absolute star of Jersey Shore, making the rest of the gang look like a bunch of low-key goodie-goodies every time they hit the club.
But in this timeline, she’s mad at Dakota for not being on her side as she plays sex dream tit for tat with Chase. All the while, Bret and Jordan oil up their lats and do some last-minute Chippendale stretches. But we must wait until next episode for both their choreo reveal and any chance of getting swinging-saga closure because THE POLICE ARE OUTSIDE. CHASE HAS TOUCHED SOMEONE’S WIFE? Lord help us.
No one on this show has any idea what they’re getting into with someone like Taylor.
